sobriety.revelations.reckoning
You might think I’m nuts for this. Especially considering where my head has been lately. These days you’ll most likely find me on the beach, gazing up at the sky all trance like; I used to think those people were weird. I’m in a good space, really feeling connected to everything around me and at […]
I’m triggered this morning (and I hate that word). It’s the waking up at 3:30am. It’s seeing posts about how ‘in love’ people are with guys who treat them like utter garbage. I was off social for a few months. Went back to share some stuff in a group for women getting out of bad […]
Even the words personal inventory make me cringe. Though I’m not in the rooms, I’m familiar with recovery lingo. After a very wayward youth, I studied psychology in college. By the time I was 18, I’d spent years being told to look inward and analyze my behaviors and motivations. But I haven’t done that in […]
My last entry feels nonchalant and somehow not 100% honest. I’m not as flippant as it’s tone would imply. Each day is still a battle, many battles. Living with someone you had a decade long relationship with is not usual and, though he makes it as easy as possible, in nearly a year we have […]
Ugh 7 and 1 are not my favorite numbers and for some reason I was up at 3:30am. Sleep and I are lifelong close ass friends so this isn’t usual. I had a relaxing, low key weekend reading at the beach and watching the world go by. Stopped bringing my phone in the morning but […]
For some reason I’ve always liked the numbers 3 and 6. I have that thing I was glad to finally learn has a name (synesthesia) where you see numbers as colors. So, weird turn of events. I requested this book @library in July, before my road trip, before the spin out, and promptly forgot all […]
If I thought the two month mark would be some celebratory, flamingo pink cloud party, I was dead wrong. I feel like I’m breaking apart-constantly. It’s a continuous vacillation between feeling like my spirit is shattering into a million pieces and this desperate, roiling anger that doesn’t even feel like my own. (are there words […]
When I used to work at the humane society we’d call incoming mixed breed mutts ‘Heintz 57’s’. Spoiler alert: dogs of no discernible breed, who end up at shelters through no fault of their own, fucking rock. A ton of shelters now have ‘weekend getaway’ fostering so you can grab a dog or cat, smother […]
8 weeks. I’m not thinking about drinking, or smoking (although someone was smoking when I was walking back from the beach this morning and I took a good long inhale) but for some reason I have literally not stopped crying for like 48 hours. There’s some deep well of loneliness in me that I don’t […]
Four years later and I’m on day #54. No booze, cigarettes. No more boys (…) But I’m making edibles and smoking weed like a fiend. Kratom and green are my only substances. I’m more than ok with that. In the last year I have: cheated on my partner of a decade, ended the relationship, continued […]
