sobriety.revelations.reckoning
Some would say I was forced into a love affair with books. They were my sole shield against awful nightmares as a kid. I was allowed to stay up, with the light on, but only if I was reading. Certain Freddy Krueger was hiding in the closet ready to pounce the second darkness overtook my […]
One year ago today. 10/23. It’s funny because for years and years whenever I looked at a clock it was, inevitably, 10:23. It always felt lucky. Maybe it was a sign from one of my dead friends. I never saw it as a warning. I hadn’t stayed in the hospital since I was 19, with […]
Over 4 months. You know what’s nuts? I’ve never taken a break from drinking and thought so little about it. Almost as if it was an extraneous or arbitrary concern. I knew I needed to cut it out completely, more due to the addition to cigarettes and my precarious relationship state than anything else. I […]
Charles Eisenstein isn’t the first to speak of how we’re all connected. All matter, all energy, every sentient being, all of nature. I think many of us are aware of this in the abstract, but don’t see or feel it fully day in, day out. When we huff and puff about the slow grocery line, […]
Worrying is the death of being in the moment. We all know this. Many of us feel it on a cellular level when cortisol (fight or flight) and adrenaline (not the fun kind) flood our bloodstream. Whether you’re worried about your health, your job, the asshole doing 20 in the left lane of a 35mph […]
15 weeks. A nothing number but I like the ones you can divide evenly by 7. One week away from 16 weeks, the poor man’s (or day counters) ‘4 months’. I was dragged away from relaxing by the pool with a memoir (I think I’ve officially read just about every personal memoir ever published) because […]
Accountability post. This is to say that I will have: 1) completed my first novel (the first in a trilogy come to find out) 2) submitted package to the agents of the few published authors I know, before my next birthday in March. Before my lease is up. So I can possibly get paid and […]
Broke the 100 day mark so I’m telling myself all is well even though the pervasive feeling is I’m coming completely undone. Playing tennis this morning with ex and friend. Wish I liked friend in a romantic sense-why is it all the ‘good guys’ are as appealing to me as day old mayo left out […]
I can count on one hand how many days I’ve wanted to drink, or smoke. But when it happens, it’s full force. One was yesterday. Sitting on the beach watching the world dance. Saw two older women (I should be so lucky to look like this at 55, they were on the private beach and […]
12 weeks. 3 months. No desire to drink or smoke at all; grateful for that. Feeling hella motivated…in theory. Keep telling myself to just go with the flow and be kind to myself; I tend to focus on the things I’m not doing as opposed to giving props for the wins. The fact that it’s […]
