#28 days

Not pertaining to rehab; though it might as well. I have been off booze, cigs, social media and kratom for a long time now but I swear to god I still manage to find other creative ways to be deviant and self destructive. I finally went to a specialist for my tennis injury and headed back today for an ultrasound and multiple cortisone shots which should (WILL) fix most of it. Fingers crossed because not having my go to exercise endorphins to keep my mental health in check is starting to show. I’m frayed; falling into negativity and sloth so easily it’s scary. Instead of continuing on the downward slide, I’m making conscious changes.

Everyone knows what you need to do in order to advance your health; eat right, exercise and sleep. That’s really it. Physical health begets mental health and vice versa in a fun little fitness circle or an impossible catch-22, depending on the day. When you’re so depressed you can’t get out of bed, saying that a brisk walk would help does nothing helpful. Thankfully I’m not quite there yet; that level of depression is about an 8 and I’m around a 4.5. So beginning 4 weeks of stringent, boot camp wellness should be enough to snap me out of the danger zone. My two favorite vegan trainers are Samantha Shorkey and Kim Constable. Kim has a great, difficult 4 week program I’ve done before with amazing results. For the past week I’ve been inhaling white carbs and chocolate and wallowing in my inability to run the way I want to. Wallowing only breeds more of the same though.

When you’re fed up with being sad you can decide to be something else. When there’s enough frustration and anger under your depression to spark change, you can use it as a positive catalyst. You can decide, instead, to be strong. And accountable. Because I’m so sick to death of my maudlin mind and mawkish heart, the only thing to do is break my body down to the point of exhaustion, and hope that brings some relief.

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