Vexed

I’m so annoyed right now. That’s not accurate. I’m like a seething cauldron of acrimony. A quadruple helix of anger, frustration, anxiety and resentment. I’m supremely the fuck over everything in my sphere; exasperated, displeased, annoyed and petulant. I need a break. I need to jump out of a plane. I need my real, far away friends to be closer. I need a god damn drink. If I was a meme, I’d be grumpy cat. On fire. With a gun.

I’m pissed I haven’t gotten my tax refund, or the 2nd stimulus; money that could make all the difference. I’ve sent in all the motherfucking forms, the 1095 and 8962. It’s all Latin. And no, I can’t afford to pay some fat, smarmy suited dude $400 to do my taxes for me. I’m furious at the man I’m disgusted to share genes with. Irate at myself for wasting a decade on someone who quite literally couldn’t care less about my wellbeing. Despondent over the fact that I can feel everyone else’s emotions, to the point where they physically and psychologically affect me; and yet when it comes to me, those same people don’t give a fuck. And I’m even more disappointed in myself for letting this avalanche of negativity overwhelm me. Full moon much?

I know what to do; blast music and scream along. Meditate. Hug my dog. Inhale chocolate. Write all this shit down. Put it into perspective. Count my blessings. It all just feels ineffectual as fuck.

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