Strength

It was the weirdest thing. At over six months sober, cigarette, and social media (for the most part) free, I had the strongest freakin’ urge to smoke this morning. Something about the cinnamon coffee vapors hit me as I saw a coworker sneaking out the fire door to puff; I thought damn, I could go for a fucking cigarette right now. I could practically feel the ethereal headrush I’d fallen in love with @age 12. Thankfully, reality kicked in and I remembered how nasty your mouth tastes and how the tips of your fingers reek. Not today, Marlboro.

Last week my mom mentioned our first Christmas after the divorce. When we picked out, cut down and lugged a seemingly 100lb, 30ft tree to our recently moved into, narrow, low income townhouse. Just an out of breath, round 11 year old, a pissed off 41yr old in her prime and a tired 12 year old Samoyed (rip Sassy). But we prevailed, because that’s what badass women do. What we’ve always done, in the face of challenge and adversity. Meanwhile my biodad took a trip to foreign lands and married his new, rich girlfriend, the day after Christmas. Fun fact: last year at this time, biodad left his second wife and had the audacity to reach out to my mom w/a big mea culpa. Just a few decades late and a few mil short bro. She was always out of your league.

It’s truly amazing what we can accomplish when give our own piece of mind the starring role in our lives. It’s time to cut ties with any situation, habit, conditioning, or behavior that doesn’t serve your highest self. Don’t be afraid of being alone; you have always been your own hero. Every single thing you seek is already inside of you just waiting for you to take the deep dive.

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