No, thank you.

Sometimes self care looks like blogging when you don’t feel like it; just to get out some of the emotions swirling around inside. I have other outlets but I’m finding that some of the people around me no longer speak my language, if they ever did. And there’s no point in attempting to express yourself to those intent and committed to misunderstanding you; that’s an exercise in futility I gave up on 15 months ago. I guess I’m just still surprised at how people I once considered to be closer to me than family, can become strangers. Strangers who defend their chosen narrative to the death. Those aren’t people I want in my life.

Feeling all warm and loving this holiday season; and 100% certain that I’m exactly in the space of growth and change I need to be in. Moving out of introspection and into action, of course with a perfectly timed injury. Thankful that it’s just a sprain and not broken but being off of my feet, while I have the energy of 12 men, isn’t the easiest. After a very responsible 7 days of icing and elevating, I tried to get back on the activity horse yesterday. And overdid it in typical fashion (exactly what I was trying to avoid by icing and elevating while going stir crazy). So that means another week on the god damn proverbial couch. My poor dog is going nuts, like why the fuck are we not running mom? So on top of injured, I feel guilty as hell.

I wonder where I’ll be this time next year. If I’ll do a better job of recognizing people who actually value my time, love, expression and effort. No one ever told me that being alone isn’t lonely in the least, not compared to being surrounded by people who don’t even attempt to understand you. If you ever find yourself outgrowing your surroundings, having to explain your views over and over to perplexed expressions; you’re in the wrong room. Go. Your tribe is elsewhere and they’re eagerly awaiting your arrival.

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