I’m triggered this morning (and I hate that word). It’s the waking up at 3:30am. It’s seeing posts about how ‘in love’ people are with guys who treat them like utter garbage. I was off social for a few months. Went back to share some stuff in a group for women getting out of bad relationships. The thing is, most of these women are going back to shitty situations, but they know it. Some are trapped due to finances or children. Some are still blind. Or hopeful. Naive. Willfully ignorant. I get it. I do. But when I see (over and over, from strong, capable, beautiful women) things like, “hE sAiD hE’d nEveR cHeAt aGaiN aNd wAs sO sAd, I bElieVe hIm noW anD foRgiVe hiM fOr noT sPeAkiNg tO mE fOr a mOnTH…“ I have to resist the urge to vomit or go into savior mode. Most are not ready to hear the truth. I wasn’t.
It’s simple. If he cared about you AT ALL, he would not do things to purposely hurt you. “bUt hE diDn’T meAn…” To what? He didn’t mean to…talk to those 15 other girls? (surely you can’t believe the one you caught him with was the only one when he’s still active on dating sites and his phone magically dies every night at 9pm?!!) make you feel unimportant and unheard? Didn’t mean to project his insecurities onto you or blow up whenever you tried to discuss the ways he hurt you? Can we, as women, collectively, wake the fuck, up?
I’m talking to myself here too. Once you see certain things you can’t unsee them. I thought my situation was unique; it’s not. You show people how to treat you. I see women getting right back on the same merry go round that’s scrambling their brains and stealing their joy. Talking about how, “he’S goInG to cHaNge aNd hE seEs hOw wRoNg hE wAs.” Ladies, please take off the rose colored glasses. You are going back to the well that poisoned you hoping to get fresh water. He’s lying, cheating, manipulating, and playing you like a fucking fiddle. Meanwhile, you’re so happy to be ‘back on his good side’… I mean, no more silent treatments and he promises that it’ll be different this time bEcAuSe hE lOveS mE.’ <le sigh>
So yeah, gotta leave that in the dust too. When the student is ready the teacher appears. I can’t tell anyone what they don’t want to hear. It’s just like quitting smoking or going vegan-you can’t see the full picture until you’re on the other side. I’ve scaled that wall I suppose, and you can bet I’ll never again ignore my instincts or that little voice in my gut saying, “something just ain’t right with him’. To all of my sisters still in the web of deceit, hoping that ‘this time will be different’ I leave you with the wisdom; “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” -Maya Angelou