Day #4 was brought to you by Trader Joe’s, seriously. This stuff is like crack and at $3.50 it’s in my budget. I could happily eat one of these a day-no lie-it’s like 1/2 whipped cream, 1/2 awesome vanilla bean ice cream. I could live solely on this and wine.

I don’t want to drink but I DO want to gouge my eyes out with a spoon. Have you seen Bachelor in Paradise??! Why am I watching this? It’s bad-it’s on ABC which means I’m actually sitting through commercials. This is a new low, even for me. I mean, is this really any better than passing out half in and half out of my doorway after too much absinthe? Or falling down face first in the street after blacking out? I dunno, not by much.

And Marriage Boot Camp (Reality Stars)-is this even a real thing? Or are the couples just total fame whores? I actually like Brittish, she is one badass bitch who has a take-no-shit attitude but is actually on the show for…wait for it…taking a bunch of shit. I dig the wild girl from ANTM (from a season like 10 years ago) Lisa, who’s married to the nutjob doomsday prepper-seriously? He is beyond weird, not hot and can’t wait for the zombie apocalypse, girl-you can do better.

I guess the moral of morning of #4 is: It’s A LOT MORE FUN to focus on reality tv stars than your own, sober, yet still somehow tumultuous life. Put that in your pipe and smoke it…if you’re allowed to in your state.


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